In social justice and everyday interactions, navigating conflict and addressing problematic behavior is crucial. While direct confrontation (“calling out”) has its place, a more nuanced approach, where A Behavioral Guide Is Called “calling in,” offers a path toward fostering understanding and growth. This method prioritizes compassion and education, aiming to guide individuals towards positive change rather than simply shaming them for their missteps.
The Limitations of “Calling Out”
While “calling out” can effectively highlight oppressive behavior and hold individuals accountable, it can also be counterproductive in certain situations. Public shaming can lead to defensiveness and resistance, hindering genuine learning and change. This is especially true for individuals who are new to social justice concepts, are naturally shy or sensitive, or whose first language isn’t English, potentially leading to misunderstandings of oppressive connotations of certain words.
Introducing “Calling In”: A More Compassionate Approach
“Calling in,” as Ngọc Loan Trần articulated in Black Girl Dangerous, envisions a practice of “pulling folks back in who have strayed from us.”
“It means extending to ourselves the reality that we will and do fuck up, we stray, and there will always be a chance for us to return. Calling in as a practice of loving each other enough to allow each other to make mistakes, a practice of loving ourselves enough to know that what we’re trying to do here is a radical unlearning of everything we have been configured to believe is normal.”
The main difference between “calling in” and “calling out” is the emphasis on compassion and patience. The goal remains the same – to address and change problematic behavior – but the method prioritizes understanding and guidance.
Alt: Compassionate conversation, showing one person guiding another with a welcoming hand gesture to promote understanding and change.
Key Considerations Before “Calling In”
Before deciding to “call in” someone, consider these important factors:
1. Emotional Capacity
Engaging in difficult conversations about oppression can be emotionally draining. Ask yourself if you have the capacity to engage constructively. If not, it’s okay to take a break or ask an ally to step in. Self-care is paramount.
2. Privilege and Allyship
If you hold privilege over those harmed by the person’s actions, it’s your responsibility to step up. Marginalized individuals shouldn’t always bear the burden of educating their oppressors. Allies can leverage their privilege to address problematic behavior within their own circles.
3. Intentions and Potential for Change
While impact is ultimately more important than intention, considering a person’s intentions can inform your approach. If someone demonstrates a genuine willingness to learn and change, “calling in” may be more effective.
4. Root Cause of the Behavior
Understanding why someone engaged in oppressive behavior is crucial. Was it due to ignorance, a momentary lapse in judgment, or a deliberate act of malice? If it stems from a lack of awareness, “calling in” offers an opportunity for education and growth.
Alt: Social Justice Education, depicting a whiteboard with terms and definitions to show how understanding the root causes of behavior is key to implementing effective change.
Practical Steps for “Calling In”
While there’s no foolproof formula, here’s a general guide for “calling in” effectively:
- Choose the right method of communication: Consider whether a private conversation, a message, or a phone call would be most appropriate.
- Clearly state the specific action and explain why it was hurtful or oppressive: Help the person understand the impact of their words or actions.
- Share your personal experience (if relevant): Explain how their behavior affects you directly.
- Provide resources and educational materials: Leverage the accessibility of online resources to share articles and information.
- Be open to discussion: Allow the person to apologize, ask questions, and learn from their mistake.
The Importance of Growth and Compassion
Social justice is about creating a society that nurtures the autonomy, growth, and rights of all individuals. Imperfection is inherent in the human experience. A behavioral guide is called for to accept that mistakes will happen, as they are essential for learning and growing.
“Calling in” is a way to nurture individuals within the movement – those who are willing to learn but are inevitably going to make mistakes. This creates a more sustainable and compassionate movement that supports its participants and allows space for learning. It’s about balancing accountability with growth, creating a culture of understanding and continuous improvement.
