Being with someone who loves birding can be an adventure. From learning unusual lingo to appreciating the hidden beauty in unexpected places, a relationship with a birder offers a unique perspective on the world. This article explores the joys and challenges of loving a birder, highlighting the transformative effect avian enthusiasm can have on everyday life.
My introduction to serious birding came through my significant other, Jessie, a dedicated ornithologist. Her passion for birds is infectious, but it also means learning a new language and adopting a different pace of life. Jessie researches birds at the University of New Mexico. Those who surround her also watch birds, and they in turn surround me, throwing around lingo I don’t understand. For those unfamiliar, “pishing” is a technique used to attract birds by making soft, hissing sounds, and “jizz” refers to the overall impression of a bird’s appearance, behavior, and habitat, which helps in identification.
My own birding experience was pretty limited, but dating Jessie changed that.
Embracing the Birder’s World
One of the first things I learned was the patience required for birdwatching. Hiking with Jessie involves moving slowly and observing carefully. My greatest birding accomplishment remains spotting a pack of endemic fowl crashing through underbrush in Borneo, making loud, chicken-like noises. I spotted them because I didn’t have binoculars and was limited to looking only at the ground. Jessie gave me a pat on the back and said, “Good boyfriend.” Then she went back to looking at them. I was thrilled.
Spending time with Jessie’s lab group also provided insights into the world of ornithology. Friday evenings at a local bar after their lab meetings offer a unique scene – a collection of biologists discussing their observations. Birdwatchers frequently find tranquility in places many consider unsavory—remote desert puddles, drainage ditches, or garbage piles—where they see attractive habitats for themselves and avifauna. You can gaze across the valley for wildlife—merlins, lesser goldfinches, and Cooper’s hawks that dive-bomb packs of clumsy, idiotic doves.
Birders vs. Ornithologists: A Matter of Passion
I quickly learned that not all ornithologists are created equal. While some are passionate birders at heart, others view birds primarily as subjects for scientific study. For some ornithologists, a bird is merely a vessel by which to study more exciting aspects of evolution, ecology, or conservation. Such ornithologists were a mystifying subspecies; they would finish a day of fieldwork outdoors, often in exotic locations, and then not return to look at the birds for fun. The horror. I was lucky not to be dating one of those people. Jessie emphasized the importance of genuine enthusiasm for birds.
The Ideal Birding Companion
The best birding companions are often those with time and patience. I’ve found, are often old and retired. Madi Baumann, who’s married to Matt, a savant of New Mexico birds in his early thirties, verified as much. Older birders often call Matt to report sightings, plan trips, or get tips. But they were also unexpectedly useful assets—bullpen relief for nonbirding partners wishing to sleep later than 5 a.m. Some believe that non-birders will eventually be converted.
The Transformative Power of Birding
Dating a birder inevitably changes your perspective on life. When dating a birder, everything—from religious beliefs to daily habits—is affected by avifauna. Jessie refers to children as “offspring.” Homes become “nests.” Noteworthy hair becomes “plumage.” Birding influences everything from language to daily habits.
Jessie’s passion for birds can also lead to some adventurous moments, like sudden stops on the road to observe a fleeting bird. Once, while leaving New Mexico’s remote Gila Wilderness in our 1997 Honda CRV with nearly 300,000 miles on it, Jessie spotted some birds and took the wheel—suddenly unworried about the engine overheating. She looked everywhere but the road, screeching to sudden halts when something fluttered nearby, while I improvised prayers in the seat.
Finding My Own Path
While I initially struggled to share Jessie’s enthusiasm, I eventually found my own way to appreciate birding. A few years ago in Thailand, I brought a Kindle along on hikes and strapped a foldout chair to my pack. When Jessie came upon mixed flocks (a group of birds with many species, which is very exciting), I’d settle in and get some reading done. Over time, I started to ditch the chair and pick up binoculars, improving my bird identification skills. Last summer, I spotted Jessie her first pair of American three-toed woodpeckers, this time slightly off the ground on a log—a small improvement from the fowl I’d spotted in Borneo.
Conclusion
Being with a birder is a journey of discovery. It’s about learning to appreciate the small details, finding beauty in unexpected places, and embracing a slower pace of life. While I may never be as passionate as Jessie, I’ve come to appreciate the unique perspective she brings to the world. And who knows, maybe I’ll even spot a few more interesting birds along the way.
