Growing up involves learning about the world, and a crucial part of that is understanding the social class system. While it can be a complex topic, discussing social class with children helps them develop empathy, perspective, and a realistic view of the world. This guide will provide parents with a framework for having healthy conversations about social class with their children.
Owning Your Personal Story
Sharing your own experiences, both the good and the bad, is vital. As Esther Perel, LMFT, suggests, talking about your background helps children understand who you are as a person. Your upbringing inevitably shapes your relationship with money and social class.
When sharing your story, include both your “headwinds” (challenges) and “tailwinds” (advantages), as Shai Davidai, Ph.D., describes. Overemphasizing challenges might make you seem out of touch, while focusing only on advantages can undermine your children’s sense of agency and effort.
Consider using tools like the “Your American Dream Score” quiz to reflect on the factors that influenced your own journey.
Keeping It Simple and Relatable
Relatability is key, especially for younger children. Help them understand why some people thrive financially while others struggle by using relatable examples.
Stories can be powerful tools. The rewritten classic, Three Little Engines, focuses on engines facing different challenges on their journey. Only one engine makes it to the graduation party, not because the others didn’t work hard, but because they faced more obstacles. This helps children grasp the concept of varying outcomes and the factors that contribute to them.
Discussing real-world inequalities, such as the wage gap among LGBTQIA+ workers and for Black, Latinx, Native American, and Pacific Islander workers, or systemic racism in housing, can further illustrate these concepts.
Having Ongoing Conversations
Social class discussions shouldn’t be a one-time event. They should naturally integrate into everyday life, as Perel advises. Use news events or everyday observations as opportunities to discuss these topics.
Be prepared for feelings of guilt or shame to arise. Allison Taylor, Psy.D., recommends open conversations about these feelings to prevent unconsciously burdening children with your own upbringing. Emphasize that it’s acceptable to have advantages, but not to expect or take them for granted.
Acknowledging privilege is crucial. Model this behavior and talk about it openly, allowing children to comfortably explore and own their privilege without shame. The goal is to appreciate privilege and use it compassionately towards oneself and others.
Teaching Kids Wealth Doesn’t Equal Worth
A critical lesson is that wealth does not define a person’s worth. In a culture that often equates success with fame and fortune, this can be challenging.
Esau McCaulley, Ph.D., highlights the importance of teaching children that the world is more than what they see and that their circumstances do not determine their worth.
He suggests reminding children to “see the face of their father on the visages of the poor” to combat any temptation to look down on others.
The Bottom Line
Conversations about social class, inequity, and privilege are increasingly important. By laying a solid foundation at home, we can raise a more empathetic and understanding generation. Children must first understand their own position in life before they can truly connect with and understand someone else’s experience. By helping them understand their own circumstances, we prepare them to walk in someone else’s shoes.
