It’s a common complaint: Tinder is hard for guys. As a woman who’s swiped through countless profiles, I get it. The competition is fierce. But why are you struggling to get matches, or worse, getting ghosted? Here’s a guide, straight from a woman’s perspective, to help you level up your Tinder game.
Alt: A woman overwhelmed by numerous Tinder notifications, symbolizing the abundance of options on the app for women.
I’ve spent way too much time on Tinder, and I’ve seen it all. Hundreds of matches, a Tinder Social adventure, and countless blocked numbers later, I’ve identified some common pitfalls men fall into. Consider this your cheat sheet to navigating the wild world of Tinder.
Stop With the Group Photos as Your Main Profile Picture
Seriously, no one wants to play “Where’s Waldo?” to figure out which one you are. Using a group shot as your primary photo is a surefire way to get swiped left. It’s ambiguous and requires effort from the swiper, which most people aren’t willing to give.
It seems like some of you are allergic to selfies. Ditch the group pics and embrace the solo shot. Include a clear selfie, a full-body shot, and maybe a photo or two showcasing your interests. A meme thrown in for good measure can also show your personality.
Crafting a Bio That Doesn’t Suck
Alt: Examples of cringeworthy Tinder bios that highlight arrogance, judgment, and a lack of self-awareness.
Less is more when it comes to your bio. Give us a few concise points about yourself, or write a sentence or two that demonstrates your creativity, humor, or other desirable personality traits. Height shouldn’t be mandatory; if it’s important, we’ll ask.
Here are some examples of what not to put in your bio:
- “I own a business and 6 cars”: This screams “gold digger alert.” Wrong app, buddy. Try SeekingArrangement.
- “Swipe right if you have more things to talk about other than reality tv and celebrities… *cop car emoji* no drug abusers either”: Way to come across as judgmental and closed-minded. You’re probably no fun at parties.
- [Wall of Text]: A poorly formatted, rambling block of text is an instant turn-off. Use line breaks, please!
- “I have an opinion about women. Prove me wrong”: Congratulations, you’ve successfully announced to the world that you’re a misogynist. Good luck with that.
Animals: Use Them Wisely
Alt: A comparison of bad and good ways to include animals in Tinder profiles, highlighting the contrast between toxic masculinity and genuine connection.
Animals are cute and can definitely boost your appeal. Full disclosure: I’ve swiped right solely because of a cute cat or dog. However, there’s a right and wrong way to incorporate your furry friends.
Laying out a bunch of dead animals or posing inappropriately with them is a major turnoff. A close-up selfie with a horse? No thanks.
On the other hand, a picture of you looking majestic while riding a horse or cuddling with a cute cat? Swipe right!
Alt: Examples of men’s Tinder profiles utilizing animals effectively to showcase a genuine connection and positive traits.
Ditch the Inanimate Object Flex
Alt: Tinder profiles featuring steaks and a living room, illustrating attempts to impress that often come across as corny and insecure.
It’s obvious when you’re trying to flex. Showing off your steaks or your living room might impress some, but many will just find it corny. Are we going to date your furniture?
Super Likes: Proceed with Caution
Alt: A Tinder user expressing discomfort with Super Likes, suggesting they can come across as aggressive and off-putting.
Super Likes can be a bit…intense. It comes across as aggressive since you are immediately pushed up in a woman’s feed. If she finds you mutually attractive, it might work, but often it’s a warning sign.
If you’re going to Super Like, do so sparingly and thoughtfully.
Uniforms Aren’t as Sexy as You Think
Alt: A Tinder profile featuring a man in uniform, highlighting the potential perception of being affiliated with law enforcement and raising questions about professional boundaries.
Unless you’re a firefighter, a uniform on Tinder isn’t generally a plus. Also, what would your employers think of you being in your work uniform on Tinder?
Guns: Just No
Alt: A Tinder profile with guns, representing a divisive topic that can instantly repel a significant portion of potential matches.
At least you’re being open about being a gun nut so those of us who are freaked out can slam that red X. Props to you for that, boys.
Be Upfront About Your Intentions
Don’t be vague. If you’re looking for something casual, say it. Most women would rather know what they’re getting into instead of showing up expecting a friendly drink and then having you try to grab their pussy within five minutes.
However, starting a conversation with “DTF?” is not the best idea. The goal is to not creep her out immediately. Test the waters first.
Conversation Starters That Actually Work
Alt: Examples of ineffective Tinder conversation starters, including corny jokes, clout-chasing, and demanding favors from strangers.
Avoid corny lines, being clout-seeking, or asking a complete stranger for a birthday gift.
If you want a reply, simple is often effective: “Hey, what’s up?” You could also ask something about her job or interests from her bio, or give her a compliment that is nice but not creepy.
Alt: A screenshot of Tinder conversations demonstrating effective and engaging openers based on genuine interest and lightheartedness.
First Date Location: Don’t Be a Creep
DO NOT insist on a woman you’ve never met coming over to your place for a first date. Or at least don’t present it as the only option. We are not pizza; you can’t just order us to your house. Offer a neutral option, like a bar or coffee shop.
Be a Weed Dealer (Maybe)
Alt: A Tinder profile of a weed dealer, representing a niche appeal that may resonate with certain users.
If that is your job, and you are open about it, that will likely appeal to some.
Don’t Be a White Dude with Dreads
Alt: A Tinder profile of a white man with dreadlocks, symbolizing cultural appropriation, which is widely considered unacceptable.
Just…no.
Sometimes, It’s Not About You
Alt: A woman looking thoughtfully at her phone, emphasizing the diverse reasons why someone might not respond on Tinder, including personal priorities and a lack of interest.
This is important to remember. Seriously, sometimes it is just us. We lose interest, unmatch, get busy with our lives, ghost. Sometimes, just like you, we’re here to people-watch.
The last thing a woman wants to see when she decides to open Tinder after a few days of not checking it is multiple messages from a man who is upset that she hasn’t replied yet. If your message history with a woman looks like you’re talking to yourself, you’re doing it wrong.
If a woman unmatches you, please do not try to contact her on any form of social media. Trust me, it probably was intentional, and dwelling on it will only hold you back from future meaningless sex and potential meaningful relationships.
