Being a working parent is a constant balancing act, and nothing throws that balance into disarray quite like a child waking up sick. Suddenly, your carefully planned day is upended, and you’re faced with the immediate conflict between your responsibilities as a parent and your obligations as an employee. The desire to nurture your child back to health clashes with deadlines, meetings, and the ever-present concern of using too many sick days.
In my experience as a working mom for six years, juggling three kids in daycare, I’ve encountered countless child sick days. While there’s no magic solution to eliminate the stress, I’ve learned valuable lessons and practical strategies to navigate these challenging times. This guide aims to share those insights and provide helpful advice for working parents facing the inevitable child sick day.
It’s important to acknowledge that everyone’s situation is unique. My experience is rooted in a professional office environment with some flexibility in my work schedule. If you have a different work environment, are a single parent, or have a stay-at-home spouse, your experience may vary. Sharing diverse perspectives is valuable, so I encourage you to contribute your own strategies and experiences in the comments.
1. Plan Ahead: Anticipating the Inevitable
It’s not a matter of if your child will get sick, but when, especially if they are in daycare or school. Young children are prone to frequent illnesses, experiencing 8-10 colds per year on average. This alarming number doesn’t even account for other common childhood illnesses like pink eye, stomach bugs, hand, foot, and mouth disease, ear infections, and fevers. With multiple children, a week where all kids attend school every day feels like a victory.
For working parents, proactive planning for child sick days is essential. You don’t want to be caught off guard when your child develops a fever in the early hours of the morning.
First and foremost, understand your rights. Does your region offer legal protections or leave options for family emergencies? You might be entitled to family responsibility leave or, in cases of serious health conditions, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA).
Secondly, familiarize yourself with your employer’s policies and benefits. Can you utilize sick time to care for a sick child? Are flexible work arrangements like half-days or adjusted hours possible? What is the company’s policy on remote work? Does your employer offer backup childcare services?
Finally, know your childcare provider’s illness guidelines. Are children with colds allowed to attend? What are the exclusion periods for fever or other symptoms? Is a doctor’s note required for re-admission after illness?
Having a clear understanding of your rights, available benefits, and childcare policies will significantly simplify planning for unavoidable sick days.
Related: Starting Childcare: Tips to Make it Easier
2. Build a Time Buffer: Banking Leave
Managing child sick days becomes considerably less stressful when financial worries are minimized.
This might not apply if you can use your sick leave to care for your child or have reliable backup childcare. However, if this isn’t the case, consider saving vacation or personal time specifically for child sick days. While using vacation days for sick days isn’t ideal, it’s a better alternative to losing income.
3. Avoid Procrastination: Stay Ahead of Deadlines
This is generally sound advice, but it’s particularly crucial for working parents with young children, especially during cold and flu season.
Don’t postpone tasks until the last minute. If you have a critical deadline approaching, Murphy’s Law dictates that this is precisely when your child will fall ill.
Similarly, schedule important meetings and prioritize high-priority tasks early in the day, particularly if your child has been showing early signs of illness or if there’s an illness circulating. This way, if you receive that dreaded midday call from daycare, you won’t be scrambling to reschedule meetings as you rush out the door. While it might seem extreme, I aim to schedule all meetings in the morning whenever possible – I’ve experienced those midday calls too many times!
Related: The Reality of Being a Working Mom
4. Explore Backup Childcare Options: Having a Safety Net
Finding reliable backup childcare is often easier said than done, but it’s worth investigating available options.
Does your employer offer backup childcare as a benefit? Are there backup childcare services in your area? Do you have a neighbor, friend, or family member who could potentially care for your child in an emergency?
It’s important to be realistic. Backup childcare services can be expensive, entrusting a sick child to someone unfamiliar can be challenging, and finding a friend or neighbor willing to care for a sick child can be difficult.
For us, local grandparents have been the only viable backup childcare solution. This has become an option relatively recently and has been incredibly helpful (thank you Mom and Dad!). However, I would readily offer to watch a friend’s child in a pinch, so exploring your available options is worthwhile.
5. Partner with Your Spouse: Sharing the Responsibility
If you have a spouse who can also take time off for child sick days, share the responsibility. One parent shouldn’t shoulder the entire burden of managing all child sick days alone. It’s also important for children and employers to see both mothers AND fathers actively involved in handling family responsibilities like sick days.
(I recognize that there are situations where this isn’t feasible, such as when one spouse’s job is less flexible, they are traveling, or splitting time isn’t financially practical.)
In our household, a sick child triggers a joint calendar review between my husband and me to determine how we’ll manage. Sometimes we split the day, sometimes we plan out the week (for longer illnesses), and sometimes one parent takes on the primary responsibility. However, it’s always a collaborative discussion, and we both share the responsibility of finding a solution.
Related: Is it Time to Stop Using the Term “Working Mom”?
6. Communicate with Your Supervisor: Transparency is Key
Have an open and honest conversation with your supervisor, but avoid oversharing unnecessary details. Your supervisor doesn’t need to know about the specifics of overnight sickness cleanup; they simply need to know you won’t be in today.
Be proactive. Inform your supervisor about the status of any urgent tasks you’ve completed. If something critical needs to be delegated, let your supervisor know and provide necessary context.
Working from home might be an option, if your employer allows it and you have pressing tasks. While this flexibility is valuable, don’t feel obligated, especially if it’s unrealistic to be productive while caring for a sick child. Trying to work a full day while tending to a fussy, clingy toddler is often a recipe for frustration.
If you have a good rapport with your supervisor, consider giving them a heads-up when you’re anticipating a potentially prolonged illness situation. I have a supportive manager and will inform her when I know I’ll be juggling work and childcare for a few days. This fosters open communication and assures her that I’m committed to managing crucial work while balancing home responsibilities.
7. Consider Alternative Childcare Arrangements: Exploring Long-Term Solutions
This is a more significant step, and one I haven’t personally taken, but it’s worth considering if your child experiences frequent illnesses.
If your child(ren) seem to be sick constantly, evaluate whether a nanny might be a more suitable long-term childcare solution for your family. With a nanny, your child will have less exposure to germs, and you’ll likely have more flexibility in managing sick days. While a nanny is typically more expensive (depending on the number of children), factoring in reduced work absences might make it a worthwhile option for your family.
Related: The Truth About Being a Working Mom: A Letter to My Younger Self
8. Practice Self-Compassion: Forgive Yourself
Managing child sick days as a working parent inherently creates conflict between your parental and professional responsibilities. You might feel like you’re falling short in both roles.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for dropping everything to stay home with a sick child who simply needs their mom’s comfort.
Forgive yourself when you desperately want to be home with your child, but work demands pull you in the opposite direction.
Forgive yourself if you feel a sense of relief when you can escape to work, leaving childcare duties to someone else.
Forgive yourself for sending your child to daycare when they’re technically well enough, but you know they’d benefit from a restful day at home.
Being a working parent is a continuous juggling act and a constant balancing act. It doesn’t make you a bad parent or a bad employee. Practice self-compassion – handling sick children as a working parent is challenging, and you are doing your best.
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