Fall used to be my favorite season, a time of cozy anticipation. However, unpacking last winter’s clothes brought unexpected flashbacks, and with each chilly day, a sense of unease crept in. Golden memories felt tainted, marked with a sense of disillusionment. But truth has a way of breaking down barriers, a power I acknowledge and won’t forget, a power that ultimately rescues.
Then hope arrived, like daylight breaking through the trees, bringing warmth and clarity.
Without something to look forward to, we can lose our way. On a smaller scale, I often assess my week ahead. If it looks overwhelming or includes tasks I’m dreading, I search for a glimmer of positivity, a “ray of light” to focus on, something to keep me motivated. Sometimes, that ray of light is as simple as anticipating a good lunch.
We all need those rays of hope, those people and things that guide us. As humans, we are inherently wired for vision, for the hope of something more significant, something larger than ourselves to invest in and be a part of. Without this, as scripture suggests, we lose heart. During my daily commute, Amanda Cook’s song “Heroes” from her album “The Voyage” has become a constant companion. Every time she sings, “you taught my feet to dance upon disappointment,” it stirs emotions within me, a powerful surge of feeling.
“For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grow old in the earth, and its stump die in the ground, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put forth branches like a young plant.” – Job 14:7-9
Currently, my thoughts are drawn to the anxieties I see many women around me facing, and the courageous choices they are making amidst uncertainty. They are choosing a peace that stands in stark contrast to the surrounding turmoil. To outsiders, this might seem illogical, even counterintuitive – fighting fear with stillness. But as believers, we carry the strength of Christ within us. When we are grounded, firmly rooted in our identity, we possess an unshakeable force.
This strength is crucial even when facing fears about deeply cherished dreams – dreams of family, of partnership, of personal fulfillment. The pain of uncertainty, of wondering if these dreams will ever materialize, is profound and often buried deep beneath the surface. Women are adept at keeping busy, fulfilling responsibilities, and sometimes, in the process, sacrificing those precious childhood aspirations.
Shortly after I made the difficult decision to call off my wedding, a woman prayed for me, repeatedly affirming, “Hope is NOT deferred.”
Never. In fact, hope was restored. Confirmation arrived, validating my inner voice, reassuring me that I wasn’t mistaken. I recall a past breakup where I arrived at his house prepared to end things. When he initiated the breakup immediately, I surprised him by sighing with relief and saying, “Oh thank God,” through tears of joy. I must have seemed completely mad, laughing and insisting I was better than ever, while he looked bewildered, asking if I was alright. I laughed and cried all the way home, using that experience to learn to trust my intuition. We both moved on to create fulfilling lives.
The accelerating emotional rollercoaster leading up to the wedding was not right, not normal, and not my fault. I had been misled, and I knew, deep down, that something better was waiting.
It’s times like these that I remind myself it’s impossible to miss my own boat.
A loving Father doesn’t take away to create a permanent emptiness. He sees beyond our limited perspective. He is the light in the darkness. When that light feels faint, like a tiny pinpoint, we must lean in closer. He is always faithful to meet us there. Some of my darkest days have been marked by an unparalleled sense of His presence, a closeness I don’t experience at other times. It is during these challenging periods that our roots grow deeper, seeking sustenance. Our convictions become stronger, and our testimonies gain greater power.
As the insightful Chris Martin wisely sings, “And The Lights Will Guide You Home.” Even in the darkest times, there is always a guiding light leading us back to where we belong, back to hope, back to peace, back home.
